Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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