can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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