Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize