My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
