she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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