I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
