I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize