Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is Oprah even human
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
