Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
