I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize