I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
