i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
