my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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