last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
