I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
