I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
