idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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