babies were throwing up all over the place
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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