i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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