I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
