Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
