How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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