My liver just broke up with me...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
