It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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