PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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