when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
