you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i've created a new STD.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
