fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
