Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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