I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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