the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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