I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
