Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
