Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
