Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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