It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
