I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
