uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
