in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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