from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
