dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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