The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
