i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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