He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
this just has baby written all over it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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