He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
