'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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