They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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