Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
