Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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