Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
