I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
