Porn is love you can see.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
