i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
