So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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