you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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