I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
