Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
