States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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