Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
