If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
