were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
