So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
