Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
